axioms

the question of why—why does the attitude towards another change as feelings for that other deepen—is actually a constellation of questions all caught up together. is it a natural transition? is it a necessary transition? what is gained in this transition? what is lost in this transition? from whence do our ideas and practices come? regardless of the answers to these questions, it seems to me that there are several interrelated outcomes of this shift that are worthy of scorn: appreciation gives way to expectation, gratitude gives way to demands and ultimatums, exploration gives way to assimilation, and perhaps most crucially, mutual respect is exchanged for mutual control. these maddening outcomes and many other aspects of contemporary monogamy are the original catalysts that led me to question why we go about things the way we do in the first place. the answers to these questions are complex where they are not elusive. I had no desire to suspend all romantic engagements until I had sufficiently grappled with these questions and so proceeded cautiously in my relationships by making use of the following axioms that I considered to be self-evident:

• the contemporary paradigm of monogamy is neither naturally arising nor necessary

• persons are ends unto themselves and should not be used as tools, as means to selfish ends

• love is other-oriented

alieNation (the State of the Union)

in considering my own state of affairs, I think it wise to examine the social environment that has spawned and which continues to shape me. it is not only instructive in terms of providing a basis for comparison, but also encourages me to reflect upon the interdependent nature of my plight. after all, to seek the character of society's needs and requirements is to begin the process of delineating my own. is not society merely a mirror of our common base, the generic self, upon which our distinguishing idiosyncracies and peculiarities are draped as so much adornment? and so it is that I find myself prone to turning outwards for the sake of illuminating my innards. and so too it is that my many posts expressing grief, despair, annoyance, anger, or the like have me as their subject at least as much as any other.

pii



one of the most damaging phenomena that this nation, among others, is rife with is that of alienation. as regards this apparently inescapable process of estrangement, our own society exhibits a wide variety of ways and means. called into action by unrestrained narcissism and fortified by our natural gifts of guile and ingenuity, alienation is perpetrated as a matter of course.

passive. active. intentional. incidental. accidental.

we passively alienate those in need whom we neglect. we actively alienate those we fear or don't understand. we intentionally alienate those we deem valueless or harmful. we incidentally alienate others because of self-absorption or issues of comfort. we accidentally alienate the ones we love because of our insecurities and attachments. we even alienate ourselves by constantly distracting ourselves from the difficult questions.

I believe that we mistakenly associate leisure with enjoyment and fail to recognize that the unbridled success of the prolific entertainment industries (what I affectionately refer to as the ‘distraction factories’) can be attributed almost exclusively to our entrenched aversion to questions of meaning and purpose.

we distract ourselves in order to preempt scenarios that might throw our confidence or comfort into jeopardy. we distract ourselves so we don't have to despair over how to assess the damage and dress such severe and intimidating wounds. why are video-rental chains so incredibly successful? why are they a distant second to cable television? why has one of the greatest technologies of our era, the internet, been utilized primarily for enhanced consumption of needless products or pornography of various tastes? indeed, the methods and materials we have developed to both disguise and perpetuate this process of alienation have reached epic levels of complexity, as have our problems and our inability to handle them.